Positioning

Where are you in your life in relation to your life goals?  How are you "positioning" yourself for success?  Are you "in" a position to achieve your goals?  We find ourselves in a host of situations over the course of our lives.  Situations can change in an instant.  We can be soaring above the clouds, inspired and motivated, digesting all we can to take those next steps toward our goals (I just have reiterate how inspiring it is to have unlimited access to all of the resources we need at our fingertips, from anywhere, anytime).  And then we get sidetracked.  As is my custom on this blog, I will use myself as the example.

My aspirations, as those of you who have read my blog will know, is to venture into the realm of entrepreneurship. They do not lie in the realm of wantrepreneurship (although that is my present expertise).  I have been immersing myself in all things entrepreneurial (John Lee Dumas' Entrepreneur on Fire, Jamie Tardy's Eventual Millionaire).  Their podcasts are filled with inspiring stories of people who have achieved entrepreneurial success; people from all walks of life, with varying levels of income, but all happy having made the leap to freedom.  And I was feeling as inspired and driven as I could remember in recent memory.  And then, a turn.  I have had some catastrophic things go down in my life over the years-losing my job of 20 years at the onset of the 2008 recession, a divorce just a few months earlier, and the continual deterioration of my relationship with my children from that marriage (which is at an all time low as I write this post).  What took place over the past several days isn't nearly as devastating (thank God), but it merits conversation; I came down with the flu.  Now, I haven't had the flu in 7 or 8 years, but it's oh so familiar when it starts creeping up inside of you.  And it breaks down your body.  And it breaks down your mind.  I'm not one to run to the doctor; so I called my mother and asked her if she was aware of any "old country" remedy for my illness.  She said, "you have a three month old baby, go to the doctor!"  So off I went, and thank God that I did.  But I felt like all of the mental progress I had been making was washed away.  My mental state was weak, and my corporate job was relentless.  I was virtually glued to my bed, and I was forced to answer to the texts. The emails, all day long.  The same, repetitive bullshit that no matter how many times I addressed it with my GM, it just wasn't getting through.  The sheer refusal to acknowledge that there are serious gaps in certain processes that are due to his lack of holding people accountable.  So we all suffer with him.  And I suffer with him.  And the wind is sucked right out of my sails on my journey.  I let this happen over the past few days.  I'm guilty.  I should know better than to let the insecurities of somebody else derail my path to freedom and happiness.

So how have I positioned myself to turn this around, despite the continual barrage of negativity coming from a workplace under fire?  I chose happiness...I reverted back to the CDs my sister gave to me over two years ago, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.  If you haven't read these books or listened to the audiobooks, they are a must.  But you have to be ready.  I was ready during Thanksgiving/Christmas of 2011, when I had had enough of victimizing myself over the lost job, the guilt of my divorce, and a breakup with my girlfriend.  I would listen to the Four Agreements over and over in the car on my way to a job where I was making 25% of my former salary (by the way, Peter Coyote reads the audiobook, and its fantastic).  And I spent Christmas Day laying on the couch listening to 8 hours of Eckhart Tolle.  You'll have to decide for yourself if and when you will read/listen to these books.  And happiness is a choice.  This was not an easy concept for me to grasp, given my pursuit of happiness from outside sources throughout my life.  I never looked inside.  I never made the choice.  I kept searching and searching for the holy grail of happiness.  Now, I still struggle with this from time to time.  I still want to disappear, thinking this will make me happy.  Maybe it's true, maybe it isn't (the beaches of the Maldives look so inviting; I can't see how that wouldn't make me happy).  But I positioned myself to break free.  I started writing this blog.  And I feel better already.